Let's back up here...

So this evening is a frustrating one - and I know why - so I should be ok with it - but it's exhausting and frustrating and...just depressing.  I know that when Tator does not have enough to eat during the day that can only mean one thing - frustration.  Nothing is enough and nothing is what he wants - until he eats.

So that is how our evening began...but let's back up here...

***

This weekend was a good one starting with amazing things on Saturday.

We woke up to the sound of the boys at 6 am. - yes, I know I shouldn't complain.  There are parents of children that have autism that get next to no sleep at night and here I am disappointed that I don't get to sleep past 6 on a Saturday - but there you have it.  I am human.  I am selfish - sometimes.

So we lay in bed - relishing the last few moments between just the two of us when I tell Mr. B. that while I was going to tell him of another persons blog post and how 'they were talking about all of the books they were reading and I was kind of surprised how they had the time considering I know how many kids this woman has' that really I shouldn't be negative about it because it just boils down to I'm so jealous.

Jealous AND selfish!?!


I used to be able to sleep in on Saturdays and read whole books in less than a day - and here I was (autism or not) with two children and not doing either.    No really - the last time my sister in law had been to our house she had commented about my nightstand and on the "books I was reading."  Ha!  Nope, I told her - those are just there as a reminder of the books I should and would love to be reading!

So that was the end of the conversation with the Mr. - the little loves arrived and the day began.

Becoming the Saturday routine has been that whoever is going to run errands that day needs to gets to take Tator with them.  We don't know why, but it is soothing to him to be in the car - regardless of whether he is in or out while the stops are made.  I assume that it is because in most cases where things are flying around him, while he is in the car, he is in a bubble that makes him feel more secure - but that's just my assumption.

Anywhoo...  I was the one doing the running that morning - library (pick up books) dry cleaners (pick up clothes) post office (get stamps, mail pkg)...you get the drift.

So we hit the library first - my momma brain going into overdrive figuring that if the library does not go well, the other stops are super quick and will still be ok - but I did not want to end our morning with the longest stop - especially if it might be going downhill by then.

So at the library I pick up a couple of books that Mr. B wanted to read about autism - one for myself - happened across a movie that the Muffin Man would love - checked out and turn to the Tate and ask if he would like to "Go."

Amazingly, he says no.  He points that he wants to go over to the kids section.  Interesting - but I'm game...and for the next 15 minutes the Tate proceeds to play at the train table while I read.a.book.

You got it.  I got to read my book for 15 minutes.  Peace. Quiet.  Reading. 

And seriously, about 5 minutes in, I looked up and realized what did and was happening and almost started crying.  What I had just said to Mr. B. this morning was proven incorrect and I just have to say I love it when God says - "Lady Jane, I am right here.  I am still here.  And I Am."

Said a little prayer.  Wiped my little tear.  Smiled.  And continued reading. 

When the Tator was ready to go, we ran around town finishing up the rest of our errands and it was all good.

***

The good continued when Saturday night one of our favorite babysitters was able to come over to watch the boys.  We were able to leave for about 6 hours (AMAZING!) and boy did we cram it all in!  Quick dinner, movie, crazy shopping and home again.  It was a fun night with good conversations about where we were, where we are and whether 'Maintaining' our marriage/family/life is a good thing.  We concluded that we needed a bit more help with this answer but that we were pretty sure that in 3 years or so that we would wonder how we got where we were and not be happy when we looked back to what began.  Anyway - we are working on that...

***

Sunday after church we were able to pick up flowers and dirt and then went out for pizza - another event that hasn't happened in well over a month and one we were really ready to write off (it had so not gone well prior to that and we were just tired of trying).  But we did.  We got our usual table in the corner so Tate could have his back to the wall - and for some reason it hit me then too.  "Why was this going so well?  What were the factors at other restaurants when it had been disastrous?"  And that was it - where we sat!  Every time I could think of that we had been to restaurants and he had done just fine - business and noise be danged - we had been in a back or corner booth/table and Nate had his back to a wall!

So we are curious to try our theory here sometime soon.  If I'm wrong - oh well.  One more thing that we tried that didn't quite work.

But with this little man - we just gotta' keep trying!

***

So overall a good weekend.  We are trying a new system with the Tate.  We love using picture cards and have now developed a picture schedules for supper for him.  That child could live on chicken nuggets and chips and we were sick of that - so we are in to day number of two of each day of the week is the same supper - and while he is not too happy with us (still screaming for the nuggets) we have won little battles each day when he does in fact eat what we put in front of him.

Baby steps.

But now it's time for a bath and bed...for the boys first and then for the momma.

Tired, tired momma.